Different

This week has been CRAZY!  On Tuesday, Alyce messaged to ask if we had a gender preference to which I said no.  And then she quickly said she had a situation that might be good for us.  I didn't get too excited and figured we would hear in a few days.  Well, on Wednesday, she told us it was between us and another family and she would know by the end of the day.  Again, I didn't get too excited.  After our faculty meeting, I went back in my classroom and looked at my phone and there it was. "YAY! SHE PICKED YOU!".  I couldn't believe it.  She. Picked. Us.  I was over the moon.

Then more information kept coming.  We were going to meet with the birthmom and attend her doctor's appointment on Tuesday.  We need to send in paperwork and a check.  We should get the birthmom a gift.  ALL OF THE THINGS!  It was all exciting and all things we were more than happy to do or plan to do.

But through all of this, I can't get over how different this is from Alice's situation.  Alice was so quick that there was never a thought of "will she change her mind?"  Are we going to get attached to the idea of a new baby and it get taken away from us?  Could I be mad if she changed her mind? Of course not.  How do you fault a mother for wanting to keep her child.  On top of the emotional worry, there is the practical worry.  Are we going to lose a ton of money?  If we do, would we even be able to afford to try again?  It is a lot of risk this time.

So what do I do?  I worry.  I talk to my friends until they are tired of hearing me, probably.  I keep myself busy.  I throw myself into decorating Alice's new room.

Don't get me wrong.  I am thrilled.  I can't wait.  I am SO HAPPY.  But, at this point, I have to guard my heart.

If all goes well, we will have a beautiful baby girl around March 4.

I truly hope so.