What a CRAZY last few days we've had. We finished our profile book!!!!!!! We are really proud of the way it turned out. It was really overwhelming to work on, but I think it turned out great. Hopefully it is an accurate depiction of our life.
I e-mailed our book to Geralyn and got a response from her almost immediately asking me to call her about a possible situation. (I was totally freaking out). There are a set of birth parents looking for a musical family for their child to grow up in. Geralyn said we were the most musical family she had. So, I had our book rush shipped to these birth parents' adoption counselor. This is a unique situation because normally, we wouldn't even know someone was looking at our book. Hopefully, we will hear something next week (if we are picked to meet them), otherwise, we just assume we weren't picked. It will really depend on what is most important to the birth parents. Some of the other things they are looking for in adoptive parents don't really fit us, but we will see.
I guess this really will be a roller coaster. I have been convincing myself for the past few days that they WILL pick us and that they WON'T pick us. Even if they DO pick us, they still have the option to parent their child. I am a big believer in signs, karma, energy, and those kind of things. And in the last few days, there have been so many signs that (to me) mean we are getting a baby. The biggest one being a coworker telling me she had a dream that Mike and I announced we were getting a baby boy. That one really freaked me out (in a good way)! My Disney day by day calendar was Dumbo yesterday (that's the theme we will use for the baby's room), Mike had the word "adopt" in a crossword puzzle, there was a question about adoption on Jeopardy, and a few other little signs. You may think I'm crazy, and I am trying not to get my hopes up, but these little signs are giving me hope that this will workout.
The more I think about it, the more this whole thing is kind of crazy. When you are pregnant, you know you have about nine months and then you get a baby. With adoption, you could wait a few days, weeks, months, years, and then get a baby with or without much notice. Even if you are matched, the birth mom has 48 hours after she delivers to change her mind.
Because of this, Mike and I have decided not to get anything we need for a baby until we have a baby in our arms. Luckily, we have so many amazing friends and family members, that I think we will have people showing up to our house with everything we need almost immediately.
I am not actually publishing this post until this particular possible adoption situation is a little more resolved, but I wanted to write about what was going on right now.
Thank you EVERYONE for your incredible kindness and support!
Until next time...
Katie
"DNA doesn't make a family, love does" - The Fosters
Monday, September 14, 2015
Thursday, September 10, 2015
How?
I do not know how people go through this process without losing their sanity.
There's been a lot going on over the past few weeks.
We were given several other places to contact about adoption through a friend of mine who has adopted five children. So...we did that. We now have our book with several other attorneys and St. Gerard Campus in St. Augustine.
Nothing happened for a while and then I was contacted by St. Gerard Campus about a potential birth mom who was going to look at our book, but they didn't have our book (they only had an electronic copy). I rush-shipped a book to them only to not hear anything for a few days. Then I heard that they got our book and she would look at it soon. At this point, I was under the impression it was just our book. Today, I was informed a birth mom is looking at our book and two others and then she will choose one "soon". Soon. What does that mean?
How am I supposed to function without anxiously awaiting a phone call or e-mail?
This is hard.
This is the exact reason that I told our social worker at Catholic Charities to not tell me if someone is looking at our book unless it is necessary. If she does not choose us, I will be devastated. I will feel rejected. I will think we aren't good enough. People can tell me all day long that it just isn't the right fit, and this isn't what's supposed to happen, and all of the other things that people say. I will still feel terrible.
On the other hand, if we do get picked, this woman is not due until January. That is a long time. She could change her mind. She could change her mind more than once. Who would fault her? No mother should be faulted for wanting to keep her child.
If she picks us, how do I not become attached instantly to the baby?
It's so hard.
I know it will all be worth it. I know that in two years, I will look back at this post and wonder why I felt so sorry for myself. I know our baby is out there finding its way to us. I know all of the things. My brain knows all of the things. My heart doesn't.
Because I have been so emotional and things have been so hard, I have been feeling the need to "nest". Man did that alleviate some anxiety! Maybe I just need to do more of that all the time? Here are pictures of the nursery so far:
There's been a lot going on over the past few weeks.
We were given several other places to contact about adoption through a friend of mine who has adopted five children. So...we did that. We now have our book with several other attorneys and St. Gerard Campus in St. Augustine.
Nothing happened for a while and then I was contacted by St. Gerard Campus about a potential birth mom who was going to look at our book, but they didn't have our book (they only had an electronic copy). I rush-shipped a book to them only to not hear anything for a few days. Then I heard that they got our book and she would look at it soon. At this point, I was under the impression it was just our book. Today, I was informed a birth mom is looking at our book and two others and then she will choose one "soon". Soon. What does that mean?
How am I supposed to function without anxiously awaiting a phone call or e-mail?
This is hard.
This is the exact reason that I told our social worker at Catholic Charities to not tell me if someone is looking at our book unless it is necessary. If she does not choose us, I will be devastated. I will feel rejected. I will think we aren't good enough. People can tell me all day long that it just isn't the right fit, and this isn't what's supposed to happen, and all of the other things that people say. I will still feel terrible.
On the other hand, if we do get picked, this woman is not due until January. That is a long time. She could change her mind. She could change her mind more than once. Who would fault her? No mother should be faulted for wanting to keep her child.
If she picks us, how do I not become attached instantly to the baby?
It's so hard.
I know it will all be worth it. I know that in two years, I will look back at this post and wonder why I felt so sorry for myself. I know our baby is out there finding its way to us. I know all of the things. My brain knows all of the things. My heart doesn't.
Because I have been so emotional and things have been so hard, I have been feeling the need to "nest". Man did that alleviate some anxiety! Maybe I just need to do more of that all the time? Here are pictures of the nursery so far:
Writing also alleviates the anxiety. I'm glad I decided to write this all down. Hopefully someone out there in cyberspace reads it and understands what I'm going through. Actually, my real hope is that someone reads this and is happy that someone else understands the way they feel.
Surely, more people than just me going through this process are asking "how?". How do people do it? How am I supposed to feel? How am I FINALLY going to feel when it all comes together and our baby is with us?
In the mean time, send happy thoughts our way!
Until next time,
Katie
"DNA doesn't make a family, love does." - The Fosters
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